It boggles the mind, does it not?

I’m years, if not a decade too late in penning this down, but if it’s been this long, and this thought still sits atop a dusty shelf in my mind, it’s probably worth mentioning. Here’s hoping I’m not the only one so often plagued with this thought, and someone randomly reading this, someday, find’s a little bit of solace in knowing you aren’t alone.

I remember very clearly, a point a time, when the acronym FOMO (‘Fear of Missing Out’, for my grandma reading this) was exploding (or trending if you prefer; which I don’t) all over the interweb. Of course, it made its way into our everyday lingo as well, I remember it encapsulating the very real dissatisfaction several of my peers voiced around me when their parents forbid them from going on outings with their friends. 

I must profess that I didn’t understand it at the time.I couldn’t relate for one thing. My parents never really told me not to go anywhere. Of course, I never really wanted to go anywhere other than Crosswords or Odyssey (if you know, you know!)with a few fellow bookworms. Regardless, I found I couldn’t relate to their frustrations, though I could certainly sympathize.

That being said, I felt like a lot of times, it was more about possibly missing out on some fun, that seemed most upsetting to people. Not just the company, or even the activity, but the mere fact that a group of people were meeting up, and missing it could mean potentially losing out on the possibility of fun. And that worry, or fear, if you like, could compel someone to ditch their undoubtedly still fun evening, just because they might miss out on something fun everyone else was doing.

Now, don’t get me wrong, if everyone else is going to a water park, and you love water parks, I can understand why you might be upset to sit that one out. However, if everyone was going to a water park, and you hate water parks, does it still make sense to be upset if you can’t go?

Now I’m sure this will piss a lot of people off (goodbye random stranger?) but if you are sticking around for a couple of minutes more, allow me to say, I get it, I’m probably being a bit harsh.

Sure, life is about collecting experiences; if you don’t try, you’ll never know, (insert other clichés here), people may just want to tag along for the company (because friendships always stay constant at school, right?)

 I’m sorry, it seems I just can’t help myself!

But all those are valid, and probably true. I never related to any of the above, but then I’m kind of a freak, it’s a fact I’ve come to terms with a long time ago. And I’m not going to lie, when I went years, without understanding what this FOMO was all about, I did begin to think it was sort of on me. I figured I would just understand it when I got a little bit older (Yet another saying that gets tossed around so frequently when you’re a kid, you can’t help but believe there must be some merit to it. And sometimes there is)

But guess what, it’s been a hot minute, and I still don’t get it.

Sure, now that I’m older and have a closer and tighter set of friends, there are a few places I might visit, not necessarily because it’s on my bucket list but because I know I’ll enjoy the company and the lovely memories the day will bring. But would I feel like I was missing out if I couldn’t, for some reason I couldn’t actually make it?

 Certainly not.

There is however a real worry that plagues me. I’m surprised I don’t read or hear more folks voice this particular concern. Simply put, I worry that the infinite choices we have to make, between the things we actually enjoy, in our finite amount of time. Don’t get me wrong, I know the fact that we have finite time, serves as a reminder for so many things, least of all that anything in infinity, seeks to find its value diminished.

 But when you consider some things, this reminder is nothing but a stressor. For instance, one of the simplest yet strongest fears I have is of missing out on travel.

I love to travel and explore new places. Now I’m not that person who harbours a secret dream of someday moving to every new place I visit. I like stability, and there is nothing I enjoy more than the fact that you can go anywhere, but your home is always waiting for you. Waiting patiently, always staying the same. 

But I do like to visit new places, for short bursts of time. The number of places I hope to visit someday definitely spills over what I could end up visiting in this lifetime. Maybe if I spent most of my life backpacking away, I could, but for those of us who dream of setting down some roots, that is merely an unrealistic solution.

Still, one could potentially tick off a fair few places. If only, this next part didn’t bother us.

What about all the places you have visited in the past? I can’t be the only one who is sad to say goodbye to a beautiful place, and the only way, I can turn my back on it, is to promise myself, that I’ll be back someday. But if I spent my vacation time, returning to places I loved, how will I ever find the time to explore new ones?

This sort of feeling, or fear if you will, extends to so many areas of life, and many times it boggles my mind to really consider it. In fact, there are times I avoid thinking about it, for fear of being paralyzed by the indecision I’d feel if I dwelt on it.

This might just be this overthinker’s problem, but somehow I don’t believe so.

I think to myself, that I can’t be the only one out there, who thinks and worries about things like these. This is possibly why I don’t understand spending time doing the things you don’t enjoy. I fear spending even a minute doing things that I have figured out I don’t enjoy, since every second I waste there, I’m losing out on doing something I know I love, and for which I have a very real fear that I won’t find time to get to.

So if you’re still with me, because this resonates with you on some level, let me share with you the only thing that helps ground me once again, when my mind spirals down this unbeatable path.

I sit back, relax, put my feet up(very literally sometimes) and take a couple of minutes to dwell on the only thing that keeps me grounded. 

And that is the magic of my life.

I consider all the things I’ve gotten to do, the places I never considered visiting, the people I feel beyond lucky to have met, the good food I’ve tasted, from recipes I didn’t even know existed. In short, counting the unaccountable blessings, or good fortune I do have. Things I never could have planned, known of, or dared to wish for.

And you know what, that helps me feel grounded once again.

Because for me, that is the list that wins.

Every time.